i didnt think i would go back to blogspot at all. usually, i could just vent on twitter or tumblr.. but, guess things are so serious that i have to come back to blogspot to vent. I can't talk with it to anyone or anything.. cause after all, in the end, it will always be me against the world no matter what. That's how it is. I should learn to accept it by now. With what's been happening today, it reminded me exactly why i'm so closed up around people, why i don't tell them my problems or anything. Im not shy, im not awkward.. just, everything i've been through has put me into this stage. I had so many friends in the past.. & even when i lost my best friends in grade 7 & 8, i still gained a new one.. but then that one left me too, & i still was blessed with a new one. But, why do i see a pattern all of a sudden? People somehow just come & go in my life. & they don't even last longer than a year anymore.. things happen for a reason, yes.. but, whats the reason behind this now ? i dont know, i dont know anything. Everything just flashes before my eyes.. i just wanna go to an ocean & scream my lungs out. There's no one who can lend me an ear or shoulder.. it's just so sad. I feel like i have so many friends, but when it comes to situations like these, i keep searching & searching to find people whom i can talk to, yet i can't find anyone. I'm absolutely frustrated, & i just wanna get away with everything. I don't want to call anyone my 'best friend' anymore. It's too much pain for me to bear over and over again.