Seriously , my parents and I cant communicate with each other at all . we’re always getting into fights . whenever I don’t do something that satisfies them , they always call me stupid and bring my studies into it . like , school doesn’t teach me everything . there are things I will never know . but clearly my parents cant seem to understand that. They think I should know everything because I go to school . like fuck . im getting really fed up with them . I swear just Thursday you guys were telling one another to not discourage your own daughters by always talking about our studies and calling us stupid . we fully told you guys we hate hearing that . im not even joking , my self esteem is so down there , no one can ever bring it back up again . I get called stupid everyday . I get called fat everyday . okay fuck , I get it . must you remind me every single day , every single second of the day ? I swear , sometimes you guys are so two faced . infront of our guests , you’re always praising me and shit , and then the next , you’re insulting me to no end . make up your mind . either you praise me or insult me . don’t give me both . I really cant stand you two right now . you guys are talking constantly talking about me . why is it that I have to wake up , hear you guys talking about me , and continue my crying session from the night before ? for the past two days , I’ve cried a good 10 hours . but did any of you guys know that ? of course not . rather , you call me stupid for crying . im sorry , am I not human ? if you guys can cry about your problem , then why cant I ? do you see me calling you guys stupid when you guys cry? No . I fuckin try and help you and talk about your problems . you guys never once did that for me . whenever I came home from school crying last year , all you guys ever did was call me stupid for crying . you guys always thought you had it rough back then . what ? you think we don’t have it rough now ? sorry but youre wrong , its just as hard right now as it was for you guys . you guys always said for me to open up to you guys more , and to tell you guys my problems , but tell me , how can I when all you say as advice is ‘youre stupid’ ? is that what I want to hear ? no . sad how I cant even go to my own parents for help on my problems , how I cant even go to them for a shoulder to lean on . if im called stupid all the time , then I’ve come to the conclusion im adopted . cause you guys are so smart right , and im so stupid . and if the parents are so smart , but the daughter is stupid , then there’s something wrong there . so I guess im adopted . I seriously cant wait till I get out of this damn house . I cant even call it a home anymore . everytime I cry , its always because of you guys . thanks guys , seems like you enjoy seeing me suffer and crying every night . one day if you don’t see me anymore , I hope you know it was all your doing .

Omg , its been forever since I last blogged. I hate how I cant blog because my internet is always used up >.> well, just gonna update with everything so far. :) first off, it’s the last week of summer school! To be honest , it really went by fast. I cant wait for august to come, where I can sleep in everyday and just relax without having to do my homework and whatnot. Exams are coming up though . hopefully I’ll be able to do well and pass the course. LOL . I should be working on my essay right now , but I’ll do that after I blog. :) So there’s my little summer school update. Haha . my birthdaay is coming up in SEVEEEEEEEN days ! omfg , im so excited for it this yeaaaar! On july 31st , I get to see all my best fraaaaands . <3 gosh , I miss Rachel so much ! haven’t seen that girl in like .. YEARS . I really need to catch up with her and spazz about our Korean dramas. (L) bwahahah . :3 then on august 1st, I’m gonna have an all nighter with my two best fraaaands Chrissy & Nicole . <3 last time was a major fail , so hopefully this time we can succeed bwahahaha . xDDD and then on august 2 IS MY BIRTHDAY ! YEEEEEEE ! (HHHHH) don’t know what im gonna do on my actual birthday since its civic holiday , but whatever . XD HAHAHA . and sam & enoch’s birthday is on the same day as mine toooo . : D <3333 so those two are for sure gonna party it up like they said they were . ;) HAHA . and then august 6th , gonnna go on a mini date with my bestie and wifey Chrissy ! :D im really excited for that . $: I’m also excited to eat lasagna on Saturday . $: LMFAOOO . I haven’t had it in yeaaars ! OMG . <3 sounds like a good birthday this year right ? :3 I think so ! & then soon after its gonna be rachel’s birthday , and I get to see that cutie once agaaaain ! WHEEE ! : D teehee . (LLL) just thinking about it gets me all excited . $: OMG . cant stop smilingggg . <3333 I want Saturday to just come alreadddddy ! : D BWAHAHHA . so much eating though . *Q* not that im complaining … ;)

well , enough about my birthday , onto something else . so I went shopping like .. 4 times this week . $: and I had a lot of KFC . LOOOL . last Sunday , I went to yorkdale with my mommy and bought 3 sweaters ! horray for sales at aritzia ! :D and then on Wednesday after my ortho appointment , my fam & I went to yorkdale once again , and I got a shirt from there . LOL . fridaay , I went to square one with my fam & chrissy ! didn’t buy anything , but it was still good . :) I need to get some new books to reaaad . im always so boreeeed at homeee . & on saturday i was at vaughan with nicoleee . <3 we went to wonderland too, but it started pouring , so we ran to vaughan . LOOOL what a mission . XD OH! we got a picture with snoopy . :D ROFLROFL . im so happy . XD and i went on timberwolf falls for the first time .. might i say its my fav ride ever . $: i would go on it 69 times if i could . :D ROFL . i guess that's it for nowww . :)

Today was quite a good day. :) Summer school was fun. HAHA, we were learning slang in the 1920’s today, and Jonny & I had a good time using those slangs against one another. xD it was hilarious. ROFL, Jonny called me a Moll, and hey, I like the definition of that . ;) Just not when he calls me Mrs Grunty. ROFL. And we had to make up our own slang too! And when the teacher asked a slang from Jonny, Jonny said “Yo … meaning Hello” ROFLROFLROFL. I dieeeed ! I didn’t think he’d actually use that XD HAHAHA, and the fact that the teacher didn’t even say it was lame or anything, OMg most funniest shit ever. I thought he was gonna say, “homeboy … meaning buddy”LMFAO. So yeah, that was mostly what summer school was today. :)

After school now! :D So Audrey picked Me Chris & Jess up like usual, and we went to BCC right after cause Audrey needed to buy some earrings. Since we thought it would be a waste to just leave after buying earrings after it took us forever to find a good parking spot, we decided to walk around. But where do we walk to? We went to the Dollar Store to buy Chocolate. XD HAHA. Yes, once again that’s how the Gregorios & Dieps roll . XD We’ve been buying food everyday! On Friday, we went to Cora’s, Monday we went to starbucks and today we bought chocolate. LMFAO. Chris & I never ended up going to the movies, but that’s okay. :D Jess & I just ended up going over to their house instead. :) Right when we entered the house, we ate ! LMFAO. Audrey made us some raviolis. <3 SO YUMMMY. :) teehee . And coco peed on me . -____-“ OMG, such a bitch . XD <3 BWAHAAA . but I still love Coco. (LLLL) Chris just gave me one of her air of pants to wear. :3 LOOOL . im surprised it fits >.> cause im a fatasss . ! So after, we went out separate ways, Jess & Audrey went upstairs, while Chris and I were downstairs. I played on her iphone for a good hour, even though we said we were gonna play Mario kart . XD we still never did. ROFL. Then after, we went downstairs and did some crazy stuff down there! LMFAO. I completely embarrassed myself in front of her trying to rap to Drake’s song Over. LMFAOOO . she was like, dying of laughter, while I was dying of embarrassment. ): HAHA. And then we danced to gee ! : D teehee . And Chris decided to write on meee . (L) Even right now, the ink isn’t fully gone yet . but that’s okay. :D good day, good day. (L)



On fingers ; " Hai! :D ♥ I'm Chink!"
On hand; "This belongs 2 C.G ♥"

Finally its fridaaay! omg, i can't believe its only been one week since i've been in summer school. horrible, it feels like i've been in here for a month now! there's 3 more weeks left of summer school . -_-" just great . today was a good way to end off the week. :) school was fun ! haha .

so we got our updated mark today .. and so far, i'm getting a 69% -___-" yes, i'm being legit . a 69 . xD When i told Jonny & Mark, they wouldnt stop laughing at me . ): for 5 hours straight, since school started till it ended, they've been making fun of me about it . LOOOL . and Mark even made me a new nickname ! XD ROFL . actually he made two for me in one day . -___-" but yeah, he calls me '69' now . ROFL , he'd be like '69, whats the answer to this question?' LOOOL. so stupid, out of everyone, you're asking ME who got a 69 ? XD HAHAHA . while jonny & jeanette are getting 98 & 90 . yeah real smart to be asking me . XD funny how i actually respond to his little nickname for me . LOL. then, JONNY decided to be extra, and make the number 69 with his crazy hands . ! ROFLROFL . and he showed everyone and pointed to me ! on the first break, he told brandon i got a 69 & then brandon came up to me & laughed and made the 69 with his hands. HAHA . those bastards <3 AND, he goes and tells chrissy too! LMFAO. and of course, she laughs at me too. D: WELL, my goal is to get 70% XD then, they cant laugh anymore. :3 bwahaha . i doubt that . -_-" they'll still laugh at me . ROFL. our first break was good until i saw someone . XD i told Lyss & Chris , and Lyss' face completely changed. That person came near us, but when she saw Lyss , she just turned around! OMG, if she came close to us, i wouldve slapped a hoe . Stupid slu, go back to the second floor! you're not allowed on the third . hmph >.>

So after the break, we watched a movie. I don't even know what its on. I told myself, 'i wont fall asleep, i wont fall asleep' and what do i end up doing? i fell asleep. -___-" so lame . We watched like 3 movies today. so boringgg . D: gosh.

Lunch time, i sat with Chrissy Brandon Jonny & Mark. Might i just say, Brandon & Jonny are the biggest creeps ever? LOOOL. they're so stalkerish its funny but creepy at the same time. xD hahaha. Jonny kept trying to take Chrissy's phone from her pocket, and took her bag, and took out everything in there! And him doing that resulted in her ignoring me.
OH YEAH! today, Jonny , me , Mark , Jeanette & Kayla were talking about Arthur. xD HAHAHA. we all got named a character . XD
Jonny - the Brain
Mark - Arthur
Jeanette - Francine
Kayla - Buster
Me - Muffy
LMFAO . we're such losers . XD hahaha . oh yeaaah, our third break, we saw Brandon's 'Mother Theresa' ;) HAHA . we kept calling her name whens he walked by us . xD LMFAO , apparently the girl's korean, so Brandon's super happy. ;) LMFAO . we were teaching him how to be slick and talk to her . LMFAO 'go ask her for a pencil!' 'i'm not gonna walk all the way across the room to just ask her for a pencil' LOLOL . oh maaaan . definitely not asian enough . gotta use that ninja mind of yours ! ;)

After school, audrey came to pick Chris me & jess up ! We went to go eat! :D HAHAHA . Diep & Gregorios get together yo! we went to Cora's . <3 omg, so much yummy food there! but they were really expensive! BUT STILL SO GOOD. We each ordered something different so we could have like, a feast. ROFL . Audrey got blueberry pancakes, Jess got strawberry waffles, Chrissy got banana & nutella crepe thingy , and i got Raspberry 4 Lucie. Mine looked so pretty, but it really wasn't that good. ): there was cream cheese and so much raspberry it made it taste sour ><" I didn't even finish it. The waffle was really good though<3 and same with the pancake. :D We each ordered a smoothie too! haha, gosh. we're so fat . XD when us 4 are together, all we do is eat . LMFAO. its all we do . ROFLROFL . but thats okaaay , that's how we roll . ;) So funny how much we ate, and how full we are, and then when we finished eating, audrey remembered she had to go for dress fitting today! omg , felt so baaad ! hopefully things worked out for her! HAHA 'run around the mall 3 times'i'll post photos up if the gregorios ever upload them . <3 good daaay. :) & now, i'm at home bored . -_-"

So today was day 3 of summer school. why is this week going by sooooo slow? i want it to be friday already! it feels like i've been in summer school for a good month now . x_x
so today, we had a quiz. And , i think i failed it. LOL. yep. cause i didn't study XD It was easy, but since i didnt study, i didnt get some answers, and had to write something down. :( so i definitely lost marks there. I fell asleep in class once again today. But it was when we were watching a movie, so its all good. :D Not like a lesson or anything. But its not my fault history is so boring. :( If i sat at the back, i would be sleeping all 5 hours! LOL We did some group work today. I was with Mark & Jon. haha. :3 They kept calling me stupid cause i kept asking them for the answers, when they told me to do the questions. :( ROFL. so then, we were talking about men being cowards and not going to war, so i decided to call them cowards. :D bwahaha . then they called me stupid again -___-" If i'm stupid, Jon is stupider . LOOOL. he wrote the wrong answers to a question . ROFLROFL. He totally read the question wrong . BWAHAHA , he didn't believe me when i told him . XD Near the end of the day, Me Mark, Jon Jeanette & this other girl name Kayla were all talking, and Jon decided to crack his neck and all his fingers, and do some weird shiet with his hands . -_-" SO GROSS. he likes to do that to piss me off, since i cant stand it >.> stupid guy! But it was funnnny. And he has to dance for me too! I will make sure he dances for me before summer school ends. :D Quite a good day. :)

oh, my neck hurts .. alot . :( it seems like it got worse! , doctor said it'll take a week for it to heal. :( FML .

today , i talked with cindy & melissa again after like ages of not talking to them ! they honestly made my night all better. i love how we were able to just talk and joke just like old times. <3 I think they read my mind or something! i tweeted saying how i missed my soompi family, and then meeel msgs me on msn, and cindy tweets me on twitter. (L) i love those two girlies alot. they definitely put a smile to my face tonight. :3 hopefully i'll be able to talk to the other soompi members sooon! i miss them all so much, and i miss the conversations we always have! especially in the summer time, where we'd stay up till like 3AM chatting about random things . XD those were def the good old days<3 and i'm gonna try to go down to toronto in august, and meet up with unnie rachel & cindy<3 because i miss seeing their pretty faces! and we need to catch up outside the internet world! i wish i can talk to rachel again on the phone . :( it was so fun. talking to all of our family on msn, and then us two on the phone . <3 hahaha . but i'm so happy to be able to talk to cindy & melissa tonight<3 thankyou God . :)

Honestly, i'm sick and tried of hearing this from you. Like, i know i'm fat even if people say i'm not. I know i am. But you know what? you dont have to go telling me every single second of the day. I'm sick and tired of hearing it. I know i'm fat, why do you think i'm going to the gym huh ? Like honestly. I ask if i could buy a pair of shorts, thats $10 you say no. I ask why, you say its too short. The shorts that you were wearing were as short as the shorts i wanted to buy! But okay fine, you claim they're too short .. but what you said to me afterwards just fuckin pissed me the fuck off. 'They're short. All your fat will stick out' LIKE WTF. honestly, i dont care if youre my mother, you don't go fuckin saying these things . When i told you to stop saying those things, and that i just want to cry, you say i'm crazy? WHAT IF I FUCKIN SAID THAT TO YOU EVERYDAY? I WOULD MOST LIKELY JUST GET SLAPPED BY YOU. Here i am trying to make things better for you, and changing myself and all that fuckin crap, and i'm sacrificing my summer for you, because you claim i dont spend time with you enough, and you think you can use this as an advantage and fuckin insult me and all that other fuckin shit and think i wont get pissed and yell back? WELL SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU, i'm still the same old rebel vivian. It won't change. If you piss me off, i will yell back. I will show my emotions in public. I dont care if i give people glares and whatnot. Wanna know whats funny? you claim my shorts are short but you go buy your older daughter a bikini? uhm, last time i checked, a bikini only covers your boob and your fuckin crotch area. The way i see it, those shorts cover my thighs too. You say i use too much of your money, i say i'll get a job so i dont have to spend your money since i dont like to anyways, and you say for me to just focus on my education. I seriously dont even know what the fuck you want from me anymore. And do you know why i wanted those shorts? Yeah sure they're cute & cheap, but also because i barely even have any shorts in my drawers! I have no clothes. Like at all. You say i have alot, but i think you're mistakening me for your older daughter. She has a full closet & drawer of clothes, and like 3 other drawers of pants. And me? half a closet of clothes & 1 drawer of pants. You claim that i'm stupid for wearing jeans in the summer time. Well, i'm sorry i have only 1 pair of shorts to wear since i can't seem to buy any and wear it. So next time before you criticize me and insult me and all that other fuckin bullshit, think about how i feel , and i dont just go spending your money cause i want to. You know i'm not a big spender. And also, the fact that i'm sacrificing my whole month of july where i could be going to wonderland and to the movies with my friends just for you, yeah .. i think that shows something. And yet here you are buying a bikini and other stuff for your older daughter, while you call me FAT when i ask for one pair of shorts. hm..

Second day of summer school just finished. :3 there's only like .. 17 more days left! So, i'm taking history this summer, and sad thing is, i'm not in the same class with Chrissy & Lyss . .> I find the whole break & lunch thing really stupid. We get 10 min breaks every hour, and we get a 20 min lunch .. they should just combine the breaks into the lunch so we can get a good 40 min lunch. At least we could go out to eat instead of ahving everyone crowded in the caf. Learning about history is boring, but talking to Johnny isnt :D the kid's funny. x) Its fun just picking on him . HAHA. WELL , nothing much else to say about summer school. OH, i saw like 2 cute asians. :D bwahahhahaha . and i saw someone i didnt want to see. XD i was so close to tripping her today after school. :( stupid girl didn't fall for it though, and walked around my foot. D: BLAH. i'll try again next time. ;) HAHAHAHA . that is all. :3

this week has been a horrible one. but today was definitely the worst. i've never felt so shitty and guilty before in my whole entire life. im crying as i type this. honestly, i never knew how much you went through because of us. i never would have guessed how much you cried at night because of us. i'm sorry for making you this way. i'm sorry for not ever changing the person i was. saying sorry a million times won't ever make up for how much you did for us, and how much you suffered. and it won't bring us back to when things we're going all well. But after you opened up to me, i'm going to give it my everything and make it up to you. So that you may have a smile on your face before you go to bed, while you're sleeping, and after you wake up. I don't ever want to be the cause of your tears every night, nor do i ever want to see you cry again. It's the thing i hate most. Seeing you cry. it pains my heart so much you don't even know. But what i feel when i see you cry is nothing to what you're going through right now. But just know that i'm here for you now. I'm trying my best not just for you or for us two, but for all four of us. Because we're a family. And we're going to be with you by your side to support you and help you out because we're a family. Families spend the good and bad times together. And that is what we'll do. Feel free to come to any one of us when you're sad or when you're having troubles and we will definitely listen to you and try to help you solve it. I may regret all that i did to you in the past, but it's not too late to start over and make things right, right? i love you alot. And i wouldn't have survived all these years if it weren't for you. I'm forever in debt of you, and you have no clue how grateful i am and how blessed i am for God to spend you to me.<3

and thankyou nicole for always being there for me these few days when i broke down. im so thankful towards you.

nicole palazzotto,
thankyouu for being there for me tonight. i really appreciate you helping me out. when i flopped out on you for tomorrow, you said you understand, and that you would go with anything that would get me out of trouble, and then when i kept putting blame on myself for things, you kept reasoning with me that it wasn't my fault. And also how you promised me and reassured me that i would always have you by my side, and that you would never leave me. I thankyou especially for that. Because i'm so insecure in my life right now, and i have this huge phobia of being alone, i just needed to hear something like that. So i thankyou dear for being there for me tonight while i broke down, and helping me with my problems. i love how we can just go to each other whenever we have a problem, and we would help the other one out. :3 yesterday i helped you, and today you helped me. :) i like that alot. I feel that, everytime we talk, and we talk about our problems to one another, we just seem to get closer and closer with one another. Thats amazing. :) i love you so much deaaar , and i honestly can't thankyou enough for always being there for me. Even when we don't talk as much, i love when we do talk, everything is perfectly normal between us, and we can still trust each other. <3 i love you alot, and thanks so much once again my bestfraand, my third haaalf. <3 i wouldnt be able to survive without you!

there's always something that ruins a good day for me. I can't believe i broke down again tonight. I hate how i tell myself not to, but then the very next minute, i'm in tears. Sometimes, i just wish i could end my life so that all these problems would stop coming to me. This week has actually been horrible. I cried sunday night, monday night, and tonight. And its only wednesday. I wonder how the rest of the week is gonna go. I dont want to continue crying. But honestly, sometimes i don't understand why parents never seem to consider their children's feelings. They always think they're right, but at times they can be wrong too. I just wish that once in awhile, they could put themselves in our shoes, so that they can know what we're going through everyday. I hope you know that i'm trying everything right now in my power, to avoid anymore arguments with you. I guess after you mentioned the word,'guilty' to me, i did feel guilty. And that's probably why i'm sacrificing my summer for you. Not going out for one month except to summer school and the gym. Yeah , thats hard for me. But since you seem to always complain about me going out, even though i dont, i'll just let you have it your way. I cancelled all plans that i made with my friends so that i can just stay at home all day, or go to the gym. If i go out, you say i'm out too much, and if i dont go out, you say i'm not getting any fresh air. So the only thing i can do, is just go to the gym to 'get fresh air' and not chill with friends. -__-" but whatever makes you happy. I know you're going through a rough time yourself, but you're not the only one. Why do you think i don't tell you my problems? i have problems everyday in my life, where i would sometimes cry daily, but you never know that, because you dont check up on me, or i cant even tell you because i find it hard to talk to you. Doesnt that suck? i can't even come up to you to tell you my problems like how other people can. But thats okay, i have other people to go to who understands my situations and tries to help me out. So yes, i'm trying my best to make it up to you, by staying at home, and making you breakfast on the days you don't have work. I'm trying real hard here , so i do hope you see the effort i'm putting in, and hopefully you'll remember this, since you claim that i do nothing good for you when i clearly do. But whatever, seems like my actions arent important enough for anyone to remember.