Blogging about this, because i want to remember every second of it forever.

So on Saturday night, my mom told me she wasn't able to pick me up from church because she had personal reasons, and that she was gonna ask someone to bring me home instead. She told me this at night, and the next morning, and both times she told me this i got mad at her for not being able to pick me up. In the end, it was settled that Matthew was gonna drive me up. But he told me that him and Rebekah will be going out, and so i'm just gonna go wherever they went.. making me feel like a third wheel :( After service ended, I went with the career group, Matthew, Rebekah and sam to eat bun bo hue for lunch. After lunch, Matthew, Rebekah, Easy, Jen, Joseph and I went to costco to buy some groceries because Easy and Jen had invited Matthew Rebekah and i over to their house for dinner. I felt like a total 5th wheel, not knowing who to follow around since Joseph left to do his own thing, and so I would follow either easy and Jen, or Matthew and Rebekah LOL. After we went to costco, Matthew, Rebekah, Joseph and I went to yorkdale for a bit, while Easy and Jen went home to start prepping for dinner. We headed to Easy's house straight after yorkdale. Easy and Jen made seafood linguine and berry fruit punch for us, which was so delicious <3 We had dinner, and then we watched a bit of tv until around 8:30. We then left Easy's house to go to Destiny's because Rebekah said she was craving bubble tea all day. but before we went to Destiny's, we went to shoppers drug mart first because Rebekah said she needed to buy some stuff there. We finally arrived to Destiny's at around 10pm, and when we entered, Rebekah all of a sudden covered my eyes with her hand. I got so confused and was so oblivious as to what was going on! Matthew and Rebekah then guided me to our table and when Rebekah took her hands off my eyes...

BAM! TGAC WAS THERE SITTING AT OUR TABLE.
I had absolutely NO idea that they planned a surprise birthday party for Sam and I. All the career people I saw earlier on in the day, Joyce, Sam, and some of his friends were all there. I just started crying because i was so surprised and touched that they had planned all of this, and for everyone that showed up so late at night! Although it was mostly the career people who made it out, I'm so grateful for everyone at TGAC who helped with organizing this! Especially Esther Tang who initiated all of this, texted Matthew, got my mom's number and made a plan to get me away from going home with my mom. This surprise party was so unlike her to plan, but i'm so grateful to her for doing this! <3 So blessed to have been able to bond and become closer with her this year especially because of TC. So throughout the night, we just ordered drinks, talked, and played Mafia which was absolutely hilarious. And then at 12am, The server at Destiny's brought out a cake for Sam and I. It was bought by Jen and Easy and it was an oreo ice cream cake from DQ. They sang happy birthday to us, and even the tables that were sitting near us was singing :) We then blew out the candle together since there was only 1 candle, and made the first cut in the cake together :) The cake was so yummy even though it was all melted. The funny thing was that when we were at Jen & Easy's house for dinner, Matthew pointed out their big freezer and had wanted ice in his fruit punch.. and when Jen went into the freezer, she opened the freezer really small to get the ice out. Apparently the cake we had was in that freezer HAHAHA. They're so cute. They went through all that trouble to buy us a cake and everything! We ended up leaving Destiny's at around 12:45ish, and i arrived home at 1:30. The entire day was planned out for me, including going to shoppers drug mart for a bit so that Jen and Easy could arrive to Destiny's before me LOOOOL.

My church family is absolutely the cutest and sweetest! I honestly don't know what I did to deserve all of them or any of this surprise. So thankful and grateful to each and every one of them. Those who came out, and those who couldn't. They all hid it away from me so well even knowing for more than a week and even getting my mom involved into this! Totally blessed to have a family like them whom i can always laugh with, talk with, and turn to. These people are absolutely the best, and I'm so thankful for God to bless someone like me with wonderful people like them. <3

It's really cool hearing someone have a prayer request, and then later on they update you telling you that God has answered their prayers. It goes to show prayer is powerful, God listens to our prayers and answers them, but what's the coolest is God's timing. His timing is perfect

It's been awhile since i've blogged and I'm hoping that in the future when I read this post again, I'll be able to see how i struggled, and how God has helped me get through this.

It's been around 2 months since I started to feel empty and spiritually dead. Usually after a conference like TC, everyone is on a spiritual high, worshipping Him, praising Him, doing devotions everyday, praying.. but for me this year.. i've felt the complete opposite. I didn't have a spiritual high like how i always did. I saw so many great things happen at TC, and saw and felt God truly there through what has happened during the 4 days.. but when I came home after being at TC for 4 days.. I felt like nothing changed, and I'm living my everyday normal life again. Ever since after TC, I haven't felt God's presence with me. I've slacked on my prayers so much, and I even stopped doing devotions. I've even started listening to just secular music when I use to only listen to worship songs. It's been almost 2 months since I started feeling this way and I feel as though it's because my school life is so easy right now. I never have homework because my only class is art, & I have coop. I never know what to pray about anymore because nothing ever happens. It's honestly so bad because I shouldn't only be praying when something bad happens. I shouldn't be turning to God only in those times. I hate feeling like I don't need God, and that i'm fine on my own because i'm not. I feel empty and I feel lost.
My prayer life is just horrible now. Before, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I haven't prayed, but nowadays, I just fall asleep without praying. I push prayer aside and put sleep first. Some days when i do pray though, I don't even sit up on my bed properly to pray.. I just lie down on my pillow in sleeping position and pray.. but i don't even finish my prayer because i would end up falling asleep.. or even if i do sit up on my bed to pray, my mind would be running around and I would be so distracted that I would forget what I'm praying about. I'm becoming so lazy in my prayer life and I hate it. I want to talk to God but i know Satan is tempting me through sleep, and I keep falling for it every single time. I'm so weak without God. i need Him.

But this week, I'm really starting to feel God again and hearing Him speak to me. I've gotten people telling to go to Campus Challenge this year, and though in the end it didn't work out.. I was really grateful to them for encouraging me to go, and helping me think of solutions to get me to peterbrough, and with financial issues. I really felt God speaking to me through them because at first I was interested in going, but brushed it off. And i felt God saying to me "Go to Campus Challenge, and hear Me speak. It's what you need." Again, although it didn't work out, it was the first time in about 2 months where I heard God speak. Being so confused with whether or not I should go to Campus Challenge, I turned to my co-caps for prayer and told them about my struggle. They were the only people I told that I've been in a spiritual low for so long, and I'm grateful I am able to turn to them and ask for prayer.Their encouragements and prayers has helped me in a small way. I again started to feel God. What's funny is that before I said I had no stress with my life which led be to become distant with God. But all of a sudden this week, so many things popped up. Having to organize B.I.G fellowship, making preparations for coffee house, making posters for Mike, making posters for coffee house, and having a career fair assignment to do.. things just got hectic and I couldn't do it alone. That was when I actually sat up on my bed, and spent time in prayer. God answered my prayers with coffee house preparations, giving me inspiration to finish posters, finalizing B.I.G fellowship, and all i have left to do is finish my career fair assignment. It really brought me back to how God never leaves us even when we leave Him. He continuously listens to us, answers our prayers and helps us in our times of need. And then this past Sunday, while doing worship during service, one of the songs we sang was "Hungry" and the lyrics just hit me.

Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry
And so I wait for You so I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken,I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life
And so I wait for You, so I wait for You"

As a human, I'm gonna feel empty, and broken, and weary. But when I am feeling these things, God can heal me from these things. All i need to do is turn to Him and rely on Him for strength. It's amazing to know that no matter how far we turn from Him, He will always bring us back to Him because we are His. We are His children, His sheep and He will search for us until we are found and bring us home into His loving arms, embracing us. And I feel that what God has been doing to me this week. Bringing me back to Him through using others to speak to me, through prayer, and through worship.

Father God,
I've been so distant from You for so long now. I haven't been able to feel Your presence with me, and thinking that You're not here, I slacked in prayer and devo. I'm sorry for falling into temptation of sleep. I know that I am weak without You, and that I need You. Father, help me to turn to You when I feel empty, lost, broken, or weary. Because i know that I will be filled up, found, and healed by You. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me in so many different ways, and never giving up on me when I have given up on You. Thank You Lord for bringing me home back into Your loving arms, and embracing me. Father, help me to continue finding You and finding the passion I had for You again. I know I will always encounter spiritual lows, but when i do encounter them, remind me to not continue to allow myself to fall away, but rather to ask You for help that I may get out of this pit. I thank You Father for never leaving me and for always loving me unconditionally even though I don't deserve Your love at all. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.