It's really cool hearing someone have a prayer request, and then later on they update you telling you that God has answered their prayers. It goes to show prayer is powerful, God listens to our prayers and answers them, but what's the coolest is God's timing. His timing is perfect

It's been awhile since i've blogged and I'm hoping that in the future when I read this post again, I'll be able to see how i struggled, and how God has helped me get through this.

It's been around 2 months since I started to feel empty and spiritually dead. Usually after a conference like TC, everyone is on a spiritual high, worshipping Him, praising Him, doing devotions everyday, praying.. but for me this year.. i've felt the complete opposite. I didn't have a spiritual high like how i always did. I saw so many great things happen at TC, and saw and felt God truly there through what has happened during the 4 days.. but when I came home after being at TC for 4 days.. I felt like nothing changed, and I'm living my everyday normal life again. Ever since after TC, I haven't felt God's presence with me. I've slacked on my prayers so much, and I even stopped doing devotions. I've even started listening to just secular music when I use to only listen to worship songs. It's been almost 2 months since I started feeling this way and I feel as though it's because my school life is so easy right now. I never have homework because my only class is art, & I have coop. I never know what to pray about anymore because nothing ever happens. It's honestly so bad because I shouldn't only be praying when something bad happens. I shouldn't be turning to God only in those times. I hate feeling like I don't need God, and that i'm fine on my own because i'm not. I feel empty and I feel lost.
My prayer life is just horrible now. Before, I wouldn't be able to sleep if I haven't prayed, but nowadays, I just fall asleep without praying. I push prayer aside and put sleep first. Some days when i do pray though, I don't even sit up on my bed properly to pray.. I just lie down on my pillow in sleeping position and pray.. but i don't even finish my prayer because i would end up falling asleep.. or even if i do sit up on my bed to pray, my mind would be running around and I would be so distracted that I would forget what I'm praying about. I'm becoming so lazy in my prayer life and I hate it. I want to talk to God but i know Satan is tempting me through sleep, and I keep falling for it every single time. I'm so weak without God. i need Him.

But this week, I'm really starting to feel God again and hearing Him speak to me. I've gotten people telling to go to Campus Challenge this year, and though in the end it didn't work out.. I was really grateful to them for encouraging me to go, and helping me think of solutions to get me to peterbrough, and with financial issues. I really felt God speaking to me through them because at first I was interested in going, but brushed it off. And i felt God saying to me "Go to Campus Challenge, and hear Me speak. It's what you need." Again, although it didn't work out, it was the first time in about 2 months where I heard God speak. Being so confused with whether or not I should go to Campus Challenge, I turned to my co-caps for prayer and told them about my struggle. They were the only people I told that I've been in a spiritual low for so long, and I'm grateful I am able to turn to them and ask for prayer.Their encouragements and prayers has helped me in a small way. I again started to feel God. What's funny is that before I said I had no stress with my life which led be to become distant with God. But all of a sudden this week, so many things popped up. Having to organize B.I.G fellowship, making preparations for coffee house, making posters for Mike, making posters for coffee house, and having a career fair assignment to do.. things just got hectic and I couldn't do it alone. That was when I actually sat up on my bed, and spent time in prayer. God answered my prayers with coffee house preparations, giving me inspiration to finish posters, finalizing B.I.G fellowship, and all i have left to do is finish my career fair assignment. It really brought me back to how God never leaves us even when we leave Him. He continuously listens to us, answers our prayers and helps us in our times of need. And then this past Sunday, while doing worship during service, one of the songs we sang was "Hungry" and the lyrics just hit me.

Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know Your love does not run dry
And so I wait for You so I wait for You

I’m falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for

Broken,I run to You for Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know Your touch restores my life
And so I wait for You, so I wait for You"

As a human, I'm gonna feel empty, and broken, and weary. But when I am feeling these things, God can heal me from these things. All i need to do is turn to Him and rely on Him for strength. It's amazing to know that no matter how far we turn from Him, He will always bring us back to Him because we are His. We are His children, His sheep and He will search for us until we are found and bring us home into His loving arms, embracing us. And I feel that what God has been doing to me this week. Bringing me back to Him through using others to speak to me, through prayer, and through worship.

Father God,
I've been so distant from You for so long now. I haven't been able to feel Your presence with me, and thinking that You're not here, I slacked in prayer and devo. I'm sorry for falling into temptation of sleep. I know that I am weak without You, and that I need You. Father, help me to turn to You when I feel empty, lost, broken, or weary. Because i know that I will be filled up, found, and healed by You. Thank You for revealing Yourself to me in so many different ways, and never giving up on me when I have given up on You. Thank You Lord for bringing me home back into Your loving arms, and embracing me. Father, help me to continue finding You and finding the passion I had for You again. I know I will always encounter spiritual lows, but when i do encounter them, remind me to not continue to allow myself to fall away, but rather to ask You for help that I may get out of this pit. I thank You Father for never leaving me and for always loving me unconditionally even though I don't deserve Your love at all. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Today was such a long day. Had captains training from 2-5 and then TC pre-rally from 7-8:30. During the captains meeting, we first had small group and we shared testimonies. I really do love hearing people's testimonies, and hearing about how God has worked in their life. Each and every one of us has and will always have to go through obstacles, but we're never alone. God is always with us, and He never gives us anything we can't handle. Even before we are faced with an obstacle, God already knows the solution. It's really encouraging to see how much a person has grown, and see just how amazing God really is through these testimonies. Sometimes when we share our testimonies, we tend to forget that this isn't our stories, but it's God's story. God is just using us to speak His story to others. So it's really important to not forget that it has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with God.

Last night I was really scared that I would have no one to hang with during the in between time after training until the pre-rally, but again, today God showed me I really don't have anything to worry about. He has everything under control. I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with Kristal and Shannon during the in between! I got to get to know Kristal more, and bond with her, & meeting Shannon who is in my small group, and a fellow captain is amazing :)

Although there weren't many people at the pre-rally, thankful for all those who came out today despite the horrible weather! I know God is going to do amazing things at TC this year. Seeing all the different teams come together as one under God's name, to serve and pray for one another is truly amazing. It really is amazing how people can unite through God. One thing that really spoke to me tonight was during Bryan's testimony. He talked about how he became prideful in making the handbooks last year, forgetting the real purpose as to why he's making them and for whom, and just focusing it on himself. And it really made me realize that I became prideful in doing graphic design for TC. The thought that I was going to design the t-shirts, and everyone would be wearing a t-shirt with my design on it got to the best of me. I forgot the real reason as to why I'm designing, and for whom I'm designing for. So listening to Bryan's testimony was a really good slap in the face for me. I really need to get rid of my pride, because if I forget the true reason for serving, then it's pointless for me to serve, and I don't deserve to serve if I only think about myself. Thinking about it now, this experience is really teaching me how to be humble in all that I do. Especially in serving God, He doesn't need me to serve Him.. He is able to use anyone to serve Him, and I shouldn't take advantage of the opportunity He has blessed me with in being able to serve Him in TC with others, and for others. And so I guess tonight really opened my eyes, and really helped me to refocus and to re-evaluate myself while serving in TC this year.