this week has been a horrible one. but today was definitely the worst. i've never felt so shitty and guilty before in my whole entire life. im crying as i type this. honestly, i never knew how much you went through because of us. i never would have guessed how much you cried at night because of us. i'm sorry for making you this way. i'm sorry for not ever changing the person i was. saying sorry a million times won't ever make up for how much you did for us, and how much you suffered. and it won't bring us back to when things we're going all well. But after you opened up to me, i'm going to give it my everything and make it up to you. So that you may have a smile on your face before you go to bed, while you're sleeping, and after you wake up. I don't ever want to be the cause of your tears every night, nor do i ever want to see you cry again. It's the thing i hate most. Seeing you cry. it pains my heart so much you don't even know. But what i feel when i see you cry is nothing to what you're going through right now. But just know that i'm here for you now. I'm trying my best not just for you or for us two, but for all four of us. Because we're a family. And we're going to be with you by your side to support you and help you out because we're a family. Families spend the good and bad times together. And that is what we'll do. Feel free to come to any one of us when you're sad or when you're having troubles and we will definitely listen to you and try to help you solve it. I may regret all that i did to you in the past, but it's not too late to start over and make things right, right? i love you alot. And i wouldn't have survived all these years if it weren't for you. I'm forever in debt of you, and you have no clue how grateful i am and how blessed i am for God to spend you to me.<3

and thankyou nicole for always being there for me these few days when i broke down. im so thankful towards you.

nicole palazzotto,
thankyouu for being there for me tonight. i really appreciate you helping me out. when i flopped out on you for tomorrow, you said you understand, and that you would go with anything that would get me out of trouble, and then when i kept putting blame on myself for things, you kept reasoning with me that it wasn't my fault. And also how you promised me and reassured me that i would always have you by my side, and that you would never leave me. I thankyou especially for that. Because i'm so insecure in my life right now, and i have this huge phobia of being alone, i just needed to hear something like that. So i thankyou dear for being there for me tonight while i broke down, and helping me with my problems. i love how we can just go to each other whenever we have a problem, and we would help the other one out. :3 yesterday i helped you, and today you helped me. :) i like that alot. I feel that, everytime we talk, and we talk about our problems to one another, we just seem to get closer and closer with one another. Thats amazing. :) i love you so much deaaar , and i honestly can't thankyou enough for always being there for me. Even when we don't talk as much, i love when we do talk, everything is perfectly normal between us, and we can still trust each other. <3 i love you alot, and thanks so much once again my bestfraand, my third haaalf. <3 i wouldnt be able to survive without you!

there's always something that ruins a good day for me. I can't believe i broke down again tonight. I hate how i tell myself not to, but then the very next minute, i'm in tears. Sometimes, i just wish i could end my life so that all these problems would stop coming to me. This week has actually been horrible. I cried sunday night, monday night, and tonight. And its only wednesday. I wonder how the rest of the week is gonna go. I dont want to continue crying. But honestly, sometimes i don't understand why parents never seem to consider their children's feelings. They always think they're right, but at times they can be wrong too. I just wish that once in awhile, they could put themselves in our shoes, so that they can know what we're going through everyday. I hope you know that i'm trying everything right now in my power, to avoid anymore arguments with you. I guess after you mentioned the word,'guilty' to me, i did feel guilty. And that's probably why i'm sacrificing my summer for you. Not going out for one month except to summer school and the gym. Yeah , thats hard for me. But since you seem to always complain about me going out, even though i dont, i'll just let you have it your way. I cancelled all plans that i made with my friends so that i can just stay at home all day, or go to the gym. If i go out, you say i'm out too much, and if i dont go out, you say i'm not getting any fresh air. So the only thing i can do, is just go to the gym to 'get fresh air' and not chill with friends. -__-" but whatever makes you happy. I know you're going through a rough time yourself, but you're not the only one. Why do you think i don't tell you my problems? i have problems everyday in my life, where i would sometimes cry daily, but you never know that, because you dont check up on me, or i cant even tell you because i find it hard to talk to you. Doesnt that suck? i can't even come up to you to tell you my problems like how other people can. But thats okay, i have other people to go to who understands my situations and tries to help me out. So yes, i'm trying my best to make it up to you, by staying at home, and making you breakfast on the days you don't have work. I'm trying real hard here , so i do hope you see the effort i'm putting in, and hopefully you'll remember this, since you claim that i do nothing good for you when i clearly do. But whatever, seems like my actions arent important enough for anyone to remember.